i have lots of friends. kung tutuusin nga ang dami nila na halos hindi ko na maalala yung pangalan ng iba. but still i love them. i make sure i still have some time to bond with them, kahit simpleng pagkain lang sa 711. lagi ko silang pinagbibigyan. ganun ko sila kamahal.

kaya lang, may mga oras na ako naman ang kailangan nilang pagbigyan. surely, you cant avoid that. sa totoo lang, hindi naman ganun kalaki yung mga hinihingi ko sa kanila eh. ang gusto ko lang, yung pakinggan nila ako, tulad ng pakikinig ko sa kanila. yung intindihin nila ako tulad ng pagiintindi ko sa kanila. mahirap ba yun?

sa mga kaibigan ko, hindi sa pagmamayabang, pero, im one of the samrtest. (ops, walang magrereak, blog ko to. ako bida.) kaya lang, that is what they use as an excuse to leave me out. "kaya na yan ni mae, hayaan mo na siya." sometimes, it gets to a point when they make me do everything that they should do, too. minsan nga napupuno ako, iniiwan ko na sila. but then, i love them so much that i cant leave them alone. kasalanan ko ba eh mahal na mahal ko sila? ang ending, tinutulungan ko pa rin sila kahit na ako pa yung mahirapan. ang masakit pa lalo,yung times na nagdedepende sila sa akin, tapos, they get higher scores/ grades. then, i ask myself, "bakit ko ba ginawa, eh masasaktan rin pala ako?" then, i stop thinking. i tell myself,"bawi ka na lang sa susunod." pero hanggang kailan ba may kasunod?

minsan pa merong oras na they're talking about things that i do not know. yung mga tipong alam ng lahat tapos ikaw lang ang hindi nakakaalam. malalaman mo na lang umiiyak na yung isa mong friend, dun mo lang malalaman ang iba. saklap no? i see their pictures together, buo ang barkada, ako lang ang wala. nakikita ko yung mga messages sa cellphones nila, may mga gee-em (group message) na tanging ikaw lang ang hindi nakaktanggap. i see their friendster accounts, ako lang ang wala sa featured friends nila. mag-uusap sila about this and that, super OP (out of place) ka naman.

but then i still love my friends. stupid diba? pero hindi ko mapigilan. masisisi mo ba ako kung sabihin kong pag ako nasasaktan noon, sila ang unang umaalma? sige lang. sila ang laging nagtatanggol sa akin noon. sila yung tipong isasama ka sa lahat. hindi ko masabi sa kanila ang nararamdaman ko for the fear of losing our so-called "friendship" completely.

ngayon ano na ba nangyari?

"when your past puts you down and you know you can't survive with it, move on."

Labels: friendship

know what.. some parents are creeps... you know, the get-out-of-my-face kind... sometimes you just cant explain why they act that way... sometimes they're good,, sometimes they almost shut you out of the house... mpf.

some parents are very kind, but sometimes, they become too cranky.. they're very good advisers, but when they advise you, you have to follow them.. typical authoritative people huh?

im lucky because my parents are very kind to me.. they treat me as their princess, and they love me so much.. sometimes they get cranky too, but i know them too well... i know what i need to do to make them happy..

dad is 60-40 type of parent.. 60% kind, 40% not-so-kind.. he's very srtict! yes, he is... and he is very demanding... you know, the king of the castle type of dad.. i understand that, but sometimes his case is too difficult that just cant help but be angry... sometimes he says bad words, especially when he's not happy with what i do... that makes matters worse.. the ending: silence during dinner time. mpf.

mom is 50-50... better huh? no, i dont have a favorite.. i am but stating the truth..*wink* mom's too proud of me sometimes that she wans me to be almost perfect.. she advices me to do this and that, and that advice should be followed.. she tests my friends and examines them carefully.. then she chooses whom i stick with.. haha.

now,please dont get me wrong... i love my parents, they are 101% appreciated... i love them so much that it breaks my heart to see them hurt... sometimes you just have to think of the negatives to find the positives... they're very wonderful people, and i love being around them... they're the best... people are just not perfect... haha. *wink*

i read this story in an old magazine... Reader's digest to be exact.. it was written by one O. Henry i think, and i was really touched by the story...

there was a sick girl in the story, and she thought she was already destined to die that she didnt want to be taken care of anymore.. there was an ivy plant near her window and its leaves were already falling... she was already waiting for the last leaf of the ivy plant to fall, and she said she'll be gone with the leaf.. now i nearly forgot mentioning that the girl was an artist.. she has many artist friends who want her to get well...

one night it was blowing gales... there was a storm... and what do you expect to happen to the ivy leaf? yet, the ivy leaf never faltered... it didnt fall... it clung firmly to the branch of the ivy plant... that was the thing that changed Johnsy.. the leaf taught her not to give up... in short, she was nurse, and she steadily got well..

after a few days, her friend who has been nursing her embraced her and said something she would never forget.. the painter next door, who has been a very good friend of hers has died due to pneumonia.. he was found shivering near his doorway a few days earlier... nearby, paint brushes and yellow and green paint were found...




see, the man painted an ivy leaf on Johnsy's windowsill the night the last leaf fell..

we are just starting our second semester and we already have lots of things to do.. we have our different subject matters to tend to, more books to read (and buy), more assignments and projects to finish more deadlines to meet, more reviews.... thinking of it makes me feel queasy.. one thing makes me realize the gift of being toxic: my friends..

everyday, we spend lots of time studying, doing ur assignments and yes, cramming, together.. we never feel down when we get low scores because, ultimately, it all fun.. we have fun even in physics class.. thats why all hard things become easy for us.. at first, we thought of the second sem as something dreadful... we never wanted to part with our real friends.. however, as days go by, we are becoming more comfortable with our new classmates.. and each day, we become closer.. we appreciate each other more.. its one hell of adjustment we have to make, but the word FRIENDSHIP makes it easier to do it.

now, is the second semester really the curse we think it is?

He was always there,

standing and waiting.

I tried to touch him,

but my head is spinning.

i looked at him

in his soft brown eyes,

but all I got was a blank gaze.

As my friends and I exchang goodbyes,

I stayed to look for a second time,

but he did not stir.

So I tried to speak

with my heart filled with so much fear.

my knees went weak

for im in love.

and everyday I look at him

from a distance.

I stare as much as I want,

but he doesnt turn his head around

to look back.

and when I look at him in the eye,

my heart breaks.

He looks at me,

but he doesnt see me.

i had my birthday yesterday....

i had fun with my family and it is always fun to have them around... we had an intimate family dinner... we had pasta, barbecues, ice cream, cake and etc... i got a lot of text messages from friends from far away....

i appreciate having family and friends who love me the way i am... i love them so much!

thank God for giving me angels who make this life worth celebrating for!